Stand and Fight
by BossaNovaBaby24
Summary: It's decision time for Saul Tigh : Cylon or Human? where will he stand? spoilers for season 4 "revelations"! a challenge fic.


**Authors Note**

**Thanks to LBDL for putting me up to this idea. She wanted a Saul Tigh fic, so here it is!**

**Challenge: To write a Saul Tigh piece, about his conflicting emotions between the cylon in him and the human in him. **

**Set after "revelations", so spoilers up until then.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters what-so-ever, so please don't sue. If you're still keen on suing me, then do it over the story that you think is the best. Leave me a little bit of ego as I go to prison.**

His hand slid smoothly over the surface of the ruins. It was probably a house once, back when there were people inhabiting it. Rustic windows, a flower pot outside the door, a large well-kept garden where children could throw around a pyramid ball or two … looking at it now, Saul Tigh felt cold inside. Ruins. Nothing more than that. There was no-one here, no-one to remember the beauty of the house before the carnage. Placing his hands back in his pockets, Tigh slowly moved away from the ruins, his feet kicking up the dry soil as he did so.

This had to be a joke. Where were the green fields? The friendly but wary inhabitants? The beautiful rustic houses that he had wanted so much to share with his wife Ellen? Nothing remained. A dark, bare landscape against the greying sky. It was going to rain soon. It used to rain all the time on Aerelon, where he was born. He remembered the feeling of exhilaration as the rain hit him, the droplets attaching themselves to his skin, running down. Saul was looking forward to the rain that threatened overhead. Would he still feel the same exhilaration as he did when he was a kid? Briefly, bitter thoughts pushed their way to the forefront. He wondered whether it was exhilaration he felt at all. Maybe it wasn't a feeling, merely his programming. Electric impulses in his synapses, mimicking human emotion.

With a heavy sigh, he sat down. The cold from the piece of ruin he was sitting on permeated through him, sending a shiver down his spine. Saul didn't care, he welcomed the cold. Anything that could make him feel _something_. Glancing around, he noticed that everyone was busy either looking at the devastation surrounding them, or picking up soil, discussing it quietly with their partner, their friend. No-one seemed to give Tigh a second glance. He was on his own on this gods forsaken planet, which suited him jut fine. That's how he had planned it, beforehand, when earth was inhabited, a place of sanctuary. Saul Tigh was going to move away, settle himself in some far distant place and live alone, die alone. No-one would give him a fleeting thought and everyone would be happy. He'd have no friends to betray, no switches that could cause him to hurt someone. Not if he had no-one.

His plan was now like the planet they found themselves on; ruined, with no hope of reparation. They would all return to their ships now, utterly defeated. Where would Saul Tigh go? He hadn't thought that far ahead. Sure, he'd be grudgingly welcomed back on the Galactica, but he remained under to illusion that he would still be performing his military duty as XO. People who knew who or _what _he was would not hold him in the same regard as they did before. His hard won respect was lost now. His friendship with Bill would never be the same again. Tigh's chest constricted at the thought. _They made us pretty perfect, _he thought resentfully. The emotions felt almost real to him, like he was still a human being, feeling the pain of loss and betrayal.

_Just another electrical impulse. _

He was pulled forcefully out of his reverie by a soft hand on his shoulder. The grip was firm but comforting. Saul looked up, his good eyes seeking out who it was behind him. Who would come and talk to him at a time like this? Who would offer him their comfort? His questions were answered when D'anna slowly stepped into his line of vision, her face mirroring the situation they found themselves in. Slowly, she sat down beside him, her posture wary, as if waiting for him to snap, to send her away. Silence greeted her. He was in need of company and it didn't matter to him whose companionship it was.

"We're going to be getting off this planet soon." D'anna said quietly, her hands clasping together in front of her. She was trying to start the conversation off lightly, he knew. He didn't look at her or grace the remark with a reply, instead choosing to remain silent, his eye forward, looking at the ruins before him.

D'anna wanted to smile, but she couldn't. Not at a time like this.

"I'm sure you're worried right now, and I just want you to know that there will always be a place aboard our ship for you."

Tigh snorted, his good eye now looking straight at the woman sitting to his right.

"What?" Maybe he hadn't heard her right exactly.

"You're our brother, and even though you chose to stay on the Galactica before, you are welcome aboard our ship. You are one of the final fi-"

"Enough!" He interrupted her, sick to death of hearing what he was, his true self, "they granted us amnesty. So tell me why should I go with you?"

"Amnesty, yes," D'anna replied, "but how long will that hold for? How long before some lone vigilante comes along and puts a gun to your head? Remember what happened to Boomer?"

Tigh nodded slightly, feeling sick at the thought. _It's no more than I deserve I guess._

"If you come with us, we can guarantee that you will not be hurt. Can you be made the same guarantee on a ship full of humans? Think about it. Your child and its mother will be much safer with us, you know that. I know you'll make the right decision."

She paused for a minute, gauging his reaction, imploring him to decide, to agree, to say _something. _No words were uttered, however, and she slowly stood up. Her hands moved down, slowly sweeping at her coat, before she walked away, her hair fluttering in the strengthening breeze. Tigh winced as the wind hit him, dust and dirt intermingling, clinging to his clothes. He had been offered a chance, somewhere to go, a refuge. It was ironic really. The side he tried to hard to suppress, the side he hated and fought against everyday since the revelation, was coming through for him, supporting him when he had nowhere to go. His cylon side was a comfort to him, offering Saul Tigh, the toaster-hater, the bitter one-eyed mess, a home.

His thoughts were drawing him in. Was he really considering her offer? _Yes, _a voice spoke to him, _because it's the only offer. _A drop of water splashed against his cheek, but nothing more happened after that. The sky was still grey, but refused to give Tigh the relief he sought out. He was fed up.

"Frakking rain!" Tigh roared, looking up. A figure behind him grabbed his attention away from the infuriating weather, however. _What the frak does D'anna want this time? _

"Colonel Tigh."

The tone was cold, unattached. Saul recognised that voice, feeling the fury, which previously yearned to break out, turn into a cold dread. He had been waiting for this. Craning his neck, his gaze caught the steel glare of William Adama, his best friend, or who used to be his best friend anyway. Bill moved slightly closer, but his stance remained the same. Saul could tell by the clenching of the muscle in his cheek, that the Admiral was barely constraining his anger, his revulsion at the man before him. Those blue eyes, like chips of ice, could see right through him. Could he see the metal underneath?

"The frakking rain stopped." Tigh mumbled in reply, not caring about military protocol anymore, "it stopped Bill."

If he felt anything at the use of his first name by Tigh, Adama gave nothing away. Instead, he spoke clearly and precisely.

"The raptor is waiting for you. We're going back now," Although laced with a steely tone, Saul detected softness towards the end of the sentence. He didn't reply, however, choosing instead to look at the sky above him. The Admiral seemed to get the message, letting out a sigh before turning around, "we'll wait a few more minutes."

"Don't."

Adama turned around, surprised at his XO's sudden outburst.

"What?" He was confused, concerned. It was a simple word, uttered as a reaction, but the meaning behind it was conveyed instantly.

_Help me understand Saul._

Tigh refused to look into his eyes. By doing so, he would only see what Bill saw, the broken man, broken _machine_,in front of him. He couldn't face that.

_I can't help you understand. I don't understand myself Bill._

"I won't be …. I won't be returning to the Galactica." There, he had said it. Silence was all he got in reply, as the sentence ran through Bill's head, his mind seeking connections, reasons, possibilities. Finally, after what seemed like ages, Bill moved closer, crouching beside his best friend.

"What are you doing?" His eyes sought out Tighs, and he obliged. His good eye was wide, imploring Bill to see what he was feeling, the decision he had made.

"I'm doing what's right." _Finally, _he thought, _finally I am doing the right thing. I can't be a burden to you anymore. _

Adama gave him one last look, searching, forgiving. He didn't want his best friend to go. He needed him, more than he could admit, and his friendship and counsel was what had kept him steady through turbulent times. His unwavering loyalty, now gone, like the planet beneath their feet.

"Stand up and fight Saul." Adama growled, before getting to his feet and striding back over to where the raptor and Laura Roslin waited for him.

He heard the raptor start up, heard the engines roaring overheard and saw it as it trailed above him, off into the distance, back to the Galactica. Where they belonged. Where did Saul Tigh belong though?

_Poor Saul, always a battle with you. _That voice, that soft hauntingly beautiful voice, reminding him of his life before, his humanity.

"Ellen," he muttered, looking around wildly. She was here; his wife was here somewhere, "Ellen?"

_You always were a soldier, what more could I expect? To think, you'd ever be at peace with yourself. _She laughed. That laugh. The light, bubbly noise that escaped her mouth whenever he had made a comment, whenever they had drank one too many glasses of Ambrosia. The sound was music to Tigh's ears and he remain enraptured, just listening.

_What is going on in that delicate mind of yours Saul?_

Tigh smiled slightly, imagining her face as she said it. He could picture her expressions, her posture.

"I love you so godsdamn much Ellen!" he spoke clearly, his voice battling over the wind around him.

_You can't love me. You can't even love yourself._

"I'm so sorry." And he was. For everything he had put her through, for every snide remark he had aimed at her, for shouting at her, for every time he had hurt her emotionally. Why had he done all that to the woman he loved?

_Because you're human._

There it was. That one sentence brought the reality crashing down around his head. He was a weak man, an alcoholic, temperamental-

_-and so completely human Saul. You couldn't see it?_

"No," he muttered, shaking his head, "I'm a cylon. I'm a frakking cylon!"

_You're Saul Tigh. Be the man you want to be …_

"… Until the day I die." He whispered, finishing the sentence.

_You should practice what you preach. _

"I'm Saul Tigh!" He shouted suddenly. A hand clasped his back, caressing in a circular motion. Turning around, he was met with the face he loved so much. The face he missed now everytime he went to sleep alone. Ellen Tigh looked down on him, smiling, her hand moving away from his back and caressing his cheek, thumb brushing over the stubble.

"Yes, you are. Now come Saul." He couldn't move, couldn't talk. The joy of seeing his wife paralysed him, rendering him speechless. She was here, she truly was here. She still loved him.

"You still love me." He whispered gruffly, gripping her forearm gently.

"Of course. No-one stopped loving you Saul, just yourself. Now come on. The heavy raider will be leaving soon."

"What?" He was broken from his train of thoughts by the last two words. As if breaking a spell, everything came sharply back into focus. The raptor had left without him, and the woman in front of him, caressing his cheek was not his wife …

Pulling away roughly, he now could see that Caprica Six loomed above him, her eyes conveying hurt. He didn't apologise, couldn't apologise for pulling away. She was not his wife. She was not his Ellen. As much as he tried, he couldn't attempt to replace his dead wife, not even with her.

"Let's go." Saul said shortly, getting up and moving over towards the heavy raider. D'anna smiled at him, a small upturning of the corners of her mouth, but a smile nonetheless. She got something out of this trip to earth after all. As Tigh slowly reached the Raider, he felt a drop of water hit the top of his head. It was followed shortly after by the cascading beats of many, as the rain came on full force. Exhilaration rose up within him as he looked up, letting the rain cling to his face. How could you program that? The feeling of that was something more than electronics. It was human.

"Let's go back." D'anna pulled the door of the raider shut, breaking off his contact with the simple human emotion. Saul Tigh sat down, his hand held lightly by Caprica Six. He would be home soon enough.

...

Bill Adama looked over towards his rack. Through the darkness, he could just make out the silhouette of a figure resting on it. The slow, steady breathing of the figure reassured him, and he continued looking over the papers that demanded attention on the table in front of him. It had been a long trip, and it had thoroughly exhausted them all, Laura Roslin more so. Her treatments were finishing soon, but she still lacked the energy she had before. She was resting comfortably on his rack, assuring him she would only sleep for about an hour. That was three hours ago, and Bill didn't have the heart to wake her up.

Instead, he pulled out all the files he had on Saul Tigh, flicking through them, smiling at the memories. Most of the forms that had his XO's signature seemed to also contain the name 'Kara Thrace' and the word 'brig'. Bill laughed as he found a photo of them together on the Valkyrie, looking serious in the CIC. He had chosen the cylons over them now. The thought caused an ache in his chest, where the faint traces of his scar could still be seen. Back then, Saul Tigh had commanded the fleet in his absence. He had never given up hope then, making a royal mess of it, before handing it straight back to Adama. He laughed quietly to himself, remembering that moment when he had first seen Tigh after his surgery. They had agreed to pick up the pieces together, and now he was gone.

Somewhere inside of him, Bill knew that he should be bothered by the real identity of his XO, his best friend. However, these thoughts were crushed by the feeling of remorse, the apologies he wanted to give, for not handling the situation well. He did not see it as one less Cylon in the fleet, but instead as the absence of his best friend.

A knock reverberated at his hatch, and Adama pulled himself up off the couch and moved over to it, opening it up. Probably more reports from ground survey teams or a crew member wanting to know exactly what earth looked like. Steeling himself to give a harsh "frak off", he was caught by complete surprise when he was not looking into the face of an ensign or marine. He was looking into the face of Saul Tigh.

"I don't know what I'm doing here." Tigh stated honestly, standing stiffly outside the hatch of the Admiral's quarters. Adama said nothing, just gave his XO a fleeting glance before stepping aside, allowing him entry.

Saul moved into the main area, his posture still stiff. Adama sat back down on the couch, looking up at the man in question. He was here, Saul Tigh was right here. Right where he belonged.

"I am Saul Tigh," Tigh said quietly, looking straight ahead, "whatever else I might be, he is the man I want to be right now Bill. He is the man I am, until the day I die. Even then, I am still Saul Tigh." He was practically repeating his speech from earlier, when he found out about being a cylon.

Bill didn't reply, his eyes searching the man, gauging his honesty. He found nothing else. Standing up, Bill pulled Tigh into a hug. Saul was caught off-guard by the sudden turn of events, but his posture relaxed and he patted Bill on the back.

"I'm sorry I embarrassed you." He whispered gruffly, echoing the earlier conversation during Baltar's trial.

Bill pulled back, looking straight into Saul's eyes.

"You could never embarrass me Saul." And he meant it.

Saul Tigh smiled, while Bill offered him a seat on his couch.

"Drink?" He asked, moving over to the decanter.

"Like you wouldn't believe." Came Tigh's response.

Bill just smiled, pouring two glasses of Ambrosia out.

_Yes, _he thought, looking at the man on his couch, _Saul was definitely human. _Saul Tigh had done just what Bill had advised. He had stood up and he had fought. Only time could tell whether he had won.

**A/N**

**Like it? Hate it? Please do review and tell me!**


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